Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
