You work out of a Hotel?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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