so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Someone came in the potted fern
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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