I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
