I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
