Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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