you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
