I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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