Can i not drive my cunt home
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize