My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
