that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
