you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
