If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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