What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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