Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
