Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
