soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize