But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize