angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
