I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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