I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
