Define "chronic" masturbator.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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