Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My cat gives me a boner
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
