Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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