I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
