Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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