Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
