my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
