mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
love makes seman taste better
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
