I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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