Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
