Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
