we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
pray to the hookup gods
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize