I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
