I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
