I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This toilet bowl is my home.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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