No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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