im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize