hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
