The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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