nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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