Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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