Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
