Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
