I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
