I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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