Ambien. No doubt about it.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
