She's JV to your varsity
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
