so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I skipped work to stalk him.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
