I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I want to make a zoo with you.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
