remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
