i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
