New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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