My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
