your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
