I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize