possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
