the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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