he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize