I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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