She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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