First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
