You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
