her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
