Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
