My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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