After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
