Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
