Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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