You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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