Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
