The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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