no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
