whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
