So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize