i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
