i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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