Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize