her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
